Wilders the Saracen Slayer, Ruete the Shmuck and Zijlstra the Educated…The Eastern European Crusade


Dear fellow students, former students and people of all ages. Hear ye! Hear ye! The three Crusaders have started their holy money war against the obvious threat of the big, bad and menacing group of the Eastern Hoards. Not even Rome trembled under Attila, as the Netherlands is trembling under the “Scourge of the Dutch State Revenue”.

Our beloved crusaders, Wilders the Saracen Slayer, toughened in the Saracen hoods of Kanaleneiland; Ruete the Shmuck, shumeckened to unimaginable extremes by his alliance with Wilders the Saracen Slayer and Zijlstra the Educated, schooled in the fortress of Groningen on the expenses of the Dutch Kingdom, have started their holy money crusade against students (may them be Dutch or from lands foreign to them) and the Eastern European Hoards (may them be students or common blacksmith, horse care-takers or merchants).

In the year 2011 of our Lord, Zijlstra the Educated, forgetting that he himself benefited from the generosity of the Dutch Kingdom, when still a student in the fortress of Groningen, decided to show those students how they cannot benefit from the same generosity for too long of a time. But no, he did not stop there and decided in the third month of the year 2012 of the Lord’s Calendar to raise the number of working hours for the Hoards of Foreign students, from 8 h/week to 14 h/week, claiming that they represent a burden on the Kingdom’s beloved treasury.

Zijlstra the Educated most probably did not acquaint himself with the intricacies of the Kingdom’s legal system (he himself studying the noble sciences of sociology), which prohibits international students from working more than 10 h a week in the months which do not belong to the Summer Sun, thus making the students of foreign lands incapable of earning the generosity of the Kingdom (amounting to 266 golden euros), while citizens of the Kingdom will be able to benefit from its generosity. But Zijlstra the Educated (and by this time the beloved reader might think that he is not so educated) most probably did not attend the Sciences of Economics and Mathematics, to see that the approximately 50.000 students of foreign lands, spend up to 1.000 golden euros a month, thus a total of 50 million golden euros a month, and 600 million a year. However, he claims losses of 26 million golden euros a year due to the Kingdom’s generosity scheme, overlooking the yearly benefit of 600 million golden euros to the economy. He also failed to consult his oracle that can see how students of the foreign lands will leave the Kingdom in great numbers, leading to bigger losses than the frail 26 million golden euros from the Kingdom’s economy of almost 700 billion golden euros. But the oracle can also see how Kingdom’s of foreign Nordic lands, like those of the tribes of the Danes and the Swedes do not require tuition fees and how the foreign hoards might relocate to these distant Nordic lands.

Wilders the Saracen Slayer, after being rejected by his life-long love, a woman from the Hunnish tribes (also a member of the Eastern Hoards), decided to turn his attention from the holy crusade against the Maghreb Saracens and focus on the Eastern Menace. He devised a public place, where all poor-hard working Dutch supporters of his devious schemes, could complain to the Almighty Saracen Slayer about how the Eastern Hoards ravaged their lands, took their jobs and left them penniless. But that was not all, oh dear readers of this tale of recent history. Ruete the Shmuck, decided to turn a blind eye on Wilder’s schemes, being promised support in return. He did not even try to honor the questions of the Great Federation of Europe (Or the Evil Empire of Europe, as portrayed by the Saracen Slayer) and decided to shmucken himself even more. The 10 tribes of the Eastern Hoards decided to send diplomatic emissaries, showing their discontent towards the treacherous works of the Saracen Slayer. Ruete the Shumck however, wishing to do how Leonidas done with the Persian emissaries in the times before our Lord was born, did not accept the discontent of the 10 tribes.

So this is where the Dutch Kingdom stands now, under the rule of the Three Crusaders, on the verge of losing the Foreign and Eastern Hoards of students who contribute to the Kingdom’s economy so much and forgetting how the manual labour of the Saracen’s helped them build their dykes against the waives sent by Neptune of the Nordic Seas.

Written in the Kingdom of the Danes, Aarhus fortress, Our Lord’s 2012th year




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