….6.57 a.m. Everyone is tucked away in their beds and unfortunately I had to startle Ludivine to open the door. Millions of apologies…A few dozen empty beer bottles, food remains and glasses litter the corridor. Most probably they will send us another e-mail regarding the mess if we continue this way. But most probably it won’t happen. Through my headphones I can hear the voice of Nelly Furtado…flames to dust. Martina, Rossana and I went for a beer at the infamous Mc O’Connels Irish pub. On our way back like usually I was talking about everything when I suddenly opened the corridor door…Parnassos lay in front of me. Dimo in the middle of the crowd with a cake on which a joyful lil’ candle blazed. A couple of dozen people. I was speechless, ‘cause I didn’t expect any of this. What can I say besides what I said to them. The only thing that holds me in this country is the dozen people, who in the midst of a Happy Birthday gave me the birthday cake and asked me to make a wish. The people, with who you laugh, cry together, go to school and crawl up the stairs sometimes after a good party. They deserve every praise. In a blink of an eye all my worries went away. The university, the constantly changing job, the bills, my accident…everything…because a lot forget that life means something else. The people who surround you, who give a good advice and to whom you give an advice…they are the ones who define your life. And even dough you are a so called 21 year old man, upon seeing them two tears rushed through your eyes.
You haven’t spoken to me in months and now you think that you can just kiss me like that?… A few months since we didn’t exchange a true sentence. Why tonight? I still cannot answer many things in my life, just like why I became cold and distant towards her. I don’t know…I cannot find the answer. Maybe I was exhausted by the end of the year; maybe all of this seemed new and unusual. Maybe I just got insecure. I feel that I lost my self confidence. I don’t really know what is happening with my life and I don’t really wanna know. Sometimes I feel the lack of security…I answer. The answer is that you’ve changed. You cannot feel secure…and I hold her close to me while she says these words. I missed her warmth. I needed a hug, a smile and her opened and indirect character. It’s a really comfortable feeling being with you. – I say, because she is one of the few people in my life to whom I can truly open myself and I know that my words are understood. She is too mature for her age and maybe this is what appeals to me. You slowly touch her velvet neck as her strands of lush hair tumble on your fingers…She takes another cigarette and looks into your eyes. Minutes turn into hours. You missed her, you missed this feeling. Sometimes you talk, sometimes not; sometimes you just hug each other. ..My breath slowly touches hers and they commence in a sensual game running over your lips and flowing towards the neck. She touches your neck, her coal dark hair waves over you forehead and your lips touch hers. A few months ago your lips endlessly touched hers and now it seams like the first kiss. Minutes turn into hours. It is almost dawn. You don’t want to let her go, not knowing when you will see her again. Minutes turn into hours and you leave a last kiss on her lips.
Utrecht February the 17th 2008